After several uninterrupted hours wrestling with hedges and a full force weed invasion , I spent a few moments blessing all the parents everywhere.  You see, I had my 11 and 14 year old nieces for a few days and was reminded of the plain ol' energy and concentration and observation skills it takes to be a parent.  A little emotional upset with my man and "boom!" concentration was threatened, some niecy requests were forgotten, and the neighbor's dog escaped from the house (we were babysitting) and was returned by another neighbor before we realized he was gone.  And I was on vacation.

So yes, I know it takes SO MUCH to be a good parent. It takes dedication and love and energy and time--especially time.  It probably doesn't hurt that I'm the auntie and see things from a fresh perspective.  My nieces are adjusting to their mom's new boyfriend, after their dad and my brother passed away a few years ago.  My sister-in-law probably relies a lot on my eldest niece and she in turn resents her younger sister for it.  Result? An older niece who picks on her younger sister at almost every opportunity.  Her mom--with less time and less patience for the pattern--probably just sees it as something to yell about (sorry Beckie, we know it happens!)

There were plenty of opportunities in the short amount of time we were together to address this with some simple guidelines: 

* we don't call names or point out each other's faults -- we say what we feel and what we need

* we share.....if we don't want to share we trade or attempt to find solutions that everyone is able to accept

* we don't take what is private property without asking first

* we practice gratitude and participation....if someone is given a gift (one of the nieces) and starts to say she'd really rather  have somehing else (remember it was a gift not something purchased by request) she is gently asked whether she would like the gift or not.  In terms of participation, a decision to go out for pizza and auntie saying no it is not okay to read "Twilight" during dinner, could result in a sudden departure if there is no participation in dinner conversation.

My nieces are absolutely fabulous, all children need loving guidance--structure, clear expectations, and the instilling of certain habits and values--such as practicing loving conversation, expressing themselves, and gratitude.  I am grateful for all they give as well as the reminder to bless all parents everywhere!

P.S. Amy does offer skills coaching for parents.  Opening Your Heart Parenting is designed to help parents become more openhearted, confident and emotionally clear as parents.  If this is something you are ready for, see www.languageheart.com/skills_coaching for more information.